she's saying she won't go quietly.

You know, it's coming up to the end of the year, and I don't mean to be a bloody downer considering Christmas is just around the corner but there's so many things I wanted from the year and it's just proved a little lacking, all in all.


But I do have a beautiful baby out of it, so I shouldn't be too harsh on it.

WARDED TO ELEANOR

Have you heard?

WARDED TO ELEANOR

How are you feeling, love? How's the baby?

WARDED TO PENELOPE

We are having lunch tomorrow. No arguments.

Also, I think you should have some wine for me soon. I know it'll be creepy, but you should drink and I will sit and watch you and be incredibly jealous. Does that sounds fun or what?

I LOVE AUTUMN. I wore my favourite jumper today. Well, my favourite one that I can wear while I'm huge as fuck. And I could wear it all day and didn't feel like I was sweating away half my body fat. It did somehow make me look even more pregnant than usual, so people were being extra grabby. Still, it is the best jumper so I'm not even that bothered.

After I have this baby, I am never, ever, ever having another one, right hand up to God.

WARDED TO STURGIS

You made me cry. It was beautiful.

I am so sorry, love.

The Prewett twins were brilliant people. Absolutely fucking brilliant. I don't give a shit if they were vigilantes or not.

My deepest condolences to everyone who knew and loved them.

WARDED TO FABIAN

Hello, love!

I hear you're married. To that nice McKinnon girl! She's lovely. Congratulations. I hope your brother isn't too upset. He seems a bit agitated.

I didn't even know you were thinking of marriage! What brought that on?

After long deliberation, I have decided that Ciaran and I are going to get a villa in Spain. It'll be lovely. It's hot there but it's a nicer heat and we'll pay for somewhere with access to a pool, or maybe it'll be oceanside. We'll drink sangria whenever we're there and eat all of the gorgeous fruit and vegetables. The baby will love it. Maybe it'll grow up bilingual, we'll be there that often. Maybe I'll even have a year round tan. I haven't had one of those before. It'd be a nice change.

Now just to actually buy a villa. And get the money together. It's a really nice dream, though, isn't it?

I have never felt more uncomfortable in my life. It's partly the heat. It's horrible and I've been bitching about it non-stop but, sorry, I don't foresee that changing. I'm mostly uncomfortable because of the pregnancy, though, and the heat. And I'm tired. And I'm irritable and I keep snapping at people and I'm sorry, but people should learn how to walk and not dawdle down hospital corridors or streets. Honestly, I'm not asking for some kind of fucking miracle. A bit of common decency would do.

I can't fucking wait to not be pregnant. And then I'm never going to be pregnant ever again. And I know this isn't even the worst of it, as my mother so kindly continues to tell me. Apparently, I was nearly a fortnight late. I can't even imagine that. I think I would start throwing things at Healers at that point.

Sorry. My usual ray-of-sunshine quality has been absorbed by this heat.

Well. I'm unbelievably glad that complete pile of bull is over.

Hello, lovelies.

I have a very important question. I've been considering, lately, many things. And I like communal decisions, don't you? Or at least a bit of debate. It livens things up and I bloody hate it when things are just normal and ordinary and dull. Not that I think the country, in general, has been dull. Giants, for one thing. I've never been happier that I don't actually live in the UK, even if Apparating or Flooing everywhere can be a bit of a pain in the arse sometimes. And then there's that, frankly, fucking hilarious article in Witch Weekly. I've taken to collecting copies from people I know, ripping out the article and defiling it in some way. I framed one, though, and I plan to frame the rest of the series. Just to show how far people will go for a laugh.

ANYWAY. None of this is important to my question, darlings! I want you all to help me come up with the WORST possible names.

I've already got Brunhilda for a girl and Rupert for a boy. If you do better, I will bake you a pastry.

And by bake, I mostly mean buy. I've no time for baking.

I wish I could go sunbathing today. It's beautiful outside. Hot, without being ridiculous and also it's summer. Who doesn't like sunbathing in summer?

Of course, it's all work, work, work instead. Somebody sunbathe for me, okay? Not properly (although I reckon you could do that, if you wanted). Just draw a stick figure on a piece of paper, label it with my name and pop it outside in the sun. Maybe some of the suns rays will be transferred to me, you know?

Okay, so that's a joke and I don't believe it. But it'd be lovely. Every time it's properly sunny outside I end up stuck at work. Not that I don't love my job, because I do. But it'd be nice if it didn't piss down every time I'm off.

Does anyone have any tips for getting annoying mother-in-laws of your back? I mean, I've tried the usual but it hasn't worked. Even threatening her with my shoes and making that sort of scowling growl face which usually scares patients into listening to me isn't doing. At this point, I'm considering chopping off horse's heads and leaving them in her bed. If it works for gangsters, you know.

I'm kidding of course. I don't hate my mother-in-law that much. And I would never do that to a horse, that'd be a bloody awful. But I am getting kind of desperate at this point in time. There are only so many times I can come home to find Bernadette sitting waiting on me before I start yelling at her. And, as anyone with a mother-in-law or an annoying relative of any kind knows, that would not be a good thing. I'd just feel guilty as hell and I would like to avoid that, thanks.

All right. Let's make this painless, because I've already heard a few rumours in the hospital and I bloody hate rumours. Also, fuck you, lady, I am not eating like a pig.

Hi. I am about three months pregnant at this point. We're very pleased. Don't hit me in the stomach, I will rip your eyes out.

Have a good night.

It's funny the looks you get for dancing with a mop when a good song comes on the wireless. Some people are so staid. Live a little, it won't kill you to do a bit of boogieing. Just because certain people are miserable it doesn't mean we all have to be!

I am going to murder everyone in my family. Every last one.

It's a beautiful day. After work, I think it's time for a beer and a barbie. It seems a little bit happier today, especially considering two (TWO!!) Death Eaters have been caught recently. The weather clearly decided to celebrate with us.

Which is bloody brilliant. I mean, England isn't as pretty as Ireland when it's sunny BUT youse do make a good go of it!

People take me far too seriously when I threaten to hit them with my shoe. Today, someone actually flinched. For the record? I don't usually mean it.

I had the strangest dream last night. First, it was pretty normal stuff--dandering about with my husband, dinner in Venice, dancing in Rome, that sort of romantic crap that occasionally pops up. Then we decided to go swimming. I don't know why, because I've never been the biggest fine of the sea. It's probably because we live in on an island and the water here is cold enough to freeze your bones. Anyway, so usually I don't dream about swimming.

But Ciaran and I were swimming and then Ciaran disappeared. Which wasn't a big deal at the time, but I can't remember why not. I swam on, happy as Larry, and then decided to dip my head underwater. Only I must have grown gills overnight or something, because I went all the way down to the bottom. Course, then I panicked because I was at the bottom of the sea and something was keeping me there. At which point, I realised it was a fish and that the little bugger was talking to me.

I'm not exaggerating either. The fish was talking to me and I could understand him and talked back and then loads of fish appeared and started talking. Apparently, salmon sound like Scousers. Who'd have known?

Then this morning at work, I walked past an aquariam and someone said something and it sounded EXACTLY like one of the fish in my dream and for a moment my brain didn't catch up (it was five a.m., I'm allowed that) and I was staring at the fish completely horrified. But it was just a patient, so that's all right. Still, it was incredibly weird and I'm now convinced that most fish sound like they're from the North of England.

Journalling public, I am going to be very honest with you here. If I have to go on just one more caravan holiday I will cry. And boke spectacularly because I am just THAT disgusted. I refuse to spend another holiday in a caravan in Donegal.